The Hand Tube

What do you do when you feel that you're going to cough?

Do you...
(a) ...just go for it and let the chips (of phlegm) fall where they may.
(b) ...cover your mouth entirely with a cupped hand, thus shielding your companions and surroundings from being spattered with whatever flies out of your mouth.

Fair enough. These are both valid cough solutions. With the first one you've contaminated the area in front of you, maybe your keyboard, maybe the back of someone's head on the bus, but your hands are clean and safe and you'll be free to eat crisps or shake a baby's hand hygienically. With the second option you've coughed all over your hands but your friends and family are safe, your hands are easily washed at the nearest sink.

However there is a third, rogue option that I have noticed and that I want to talk about. The option of maximum germ spreadage. The Hand Tube.


This is when you feel a cough coming on, ball up your fist, hold it near your mouth and cough onto it. It's a covert way to spread your illness and misery because you get the appearance of giving a shit (because you've raised your hand) but your mouth isn't covered so germs are propelled in all directions, throat-detritus flying everywhere. Nothing is safe.

So next time someone coughs take careful notice of how they deal with it and react accordingly:
COUGHERS: Not to be trusted, but generally harmless.
COVERERS: Probably let them babysit your children.
HAND-TUBERS: Will kill you in your sleep.

N.B. Harold Shipman was a Hand-Tuber and so is this guy:

Kevin McCloud from Grand Designs.

Books in January

I didn't really have a theme for my reading this month. It was January, the most depressing month of the year so I just read whatever books I thought might cheer me up a little bit.

Frostbitten

This is the latest in the Women of the Otherworld series from Kelley Armstrong. This series started out with strong lead characters, full of intriguing side-characters, lots of adventure and danger and liveliness. It was fun. This latest installment however was not fun in the least. The plot was thin on the ground and the usual capers were replaced with protracted sex scenes, some lasting in excess of five pages. FIVE PAGES. Luckily it was a pretty short book.
YOU WILL LIKE THIS IF: There is something wrong with you.

Shiver

This book concerns a young werewolf who fears that he will not be able to return to human form if he transforms into a wolf. This would not be ideal as his girlfriend is a semi-normal human girl. Considering the gravity of the situation the romantic leads in the novel spend most of their time hanging out. Just plain hanging out.
WOLFBOY: So we should probably deal with my impending perma-wolfhood.
NONWOLFGIRL: Later. I have homework, and you have to sit on the edge of the desk strumming on that guitar.
Despite this I would recommend this to anyone who enjoys a bit of werewolfy YA. It's atmospheric but not too intense, it's laid-back and engaging. Hooray!
YOU WILL LIKE THIS IF: It's cold outside, but warm inside and you have a comfy chair and a lovely big mug of tea.

The Truth About Forever and Just Listen

These novels are a little paint-by-numbers. Choose a girl's name. Choose a trauma. Choose a secondary trauma. Choose a boy's name. Give him a creative outlet. Put the two together. If you've done it right they should cure each other of any and all woes. I really liked these though. I can picture myself buying all of the books by this author, unhinging my brain-jaw and eating them all at once. What they lack in originality they make up for in warmth and pleasantness.
YOU WILL LIKE THESE IF: Books intended for teenaged girls are like crack to you.

The Collected Short Stories of F.Scott Fitzgerald

I've had this book for ages but can only just now say that I've read each and every story. I wish it had more in it because it was quite expensive at the time and there are stories that I've either read elsewhere or that I know of and haven't read that are not included. That said it's worth a go just for the quiet desperation and extreme hilarity of the Pat Hobby stories. Excruciating but highly entertaining.
YOU WILL LIKE THIS IF: You've been through all of. F. Scott Fitzgerald's books. You're very well read, it's well known.

Television

Gosh I'm glad Celebrity Big Brother is over. It got to be kind of a chore to watch it every night but if I saved it on V+ it took up so much space on the box. I thought having V+ would be fun, fast-forwarding through breaks, pausing live TV, watching films in the middle of the day that were shown on Zone Horror at 2am, taping episode after episode of Ghost Whisperer to watch at my leisure...but it's not like that. I'm always worried that somehow all the space on the box will be used up while I'm not looking and one of my regular shows won't tape, or staring at the TV screen in depair, asking it out loud why Hell's Kitchen won't tape even though nothing else is taping at that time, "Why are you doing this!?"
Here are some of the TV shows I'm watching at the moment:

Lost...the will to live

I actually stopped watching Lost around season three or so but the recaps on Television Without Pity were so fun that I started watching it again to enhance my enjoyment of the recaps. I stopped reading the TwoP recaps around the time they stopped referring to Michael as Mercutio but I continued watching Lost and even managed to drag my boyfriend back into the baffled fold-he'd been on the wagon since the end of the first season.
Anyway, I have almost no clue what's going on. I guess there's an alternate reality? The makers of the show are mocking us and we are lapping it up.

Nurse Jackie

Almost to the end of season one on this. I hope. I can't say I wasn't warned about this show but the pedigree was so high I just couldn't resist. Carmela Soprano! Steve Buscemi directs episodes for frak's sake. I hate this show. The opening sequence with all the jewellery flying around is like a nightmare for me. Green Wing is the only TV show set in a hospital that I can stand.

Jersey Shore

I almost can't believe that this is real. It's amazing. Only watched four episodes or so for now but this is a keeper. For me it's like

but with a T-shirt shop instead of babysitting, and an emphasis on the Italian values of respect, family and hair gel. I'm especially nauseated by Mike, who refers to himself as "The Situation" strutting about with his tiny little dog face.

Just looking at the Amazon page for that Babysitter's Club book and thought I'd share Linda Frink from Snohomish's views on babysitting:

"Also I don't think boys should be baby-sitters. I'm not prejudiced, I just know that things get out of hand when theres a boy baby-sitter. Remember the thing with Michael Jackson?"

I just want to post a whole line of exclamation marks.

I had a dream that I was shopping for second-hand books and sorting through some Babysitter's Club books to add to my collection. In the dream I came across Super Special number 42: Go Home Palefaces. I wish this was a real book. The cover featured Claudia et al. fighting for their lives on a raft wearing their Camp Mohawk uniforms.