Stupid Hats

When it's cold outside a hat is only sensible if you don't want to lose the majority of your body heat. There are so many hats, so many opportunities to express yourself through your headgear that when people choose these hats:

It makes me sad. The damned condom hat! Part beanie, part old-timey sleeping cap, part condom, they've been around for three years, maybe more. I first noticed them in the winter of 2007 on the 33 bus route. One of the morning regulars on this bus would tuck all of her hair up into one of these hats so that her head was just face-in-front and sagging-reservoir-tip in back. I'd stare at her and mind-shout, "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING" not even a question mark, just outrage.

My most memorable condom hat wearer was a work acquaintance. He would wear these hats constantly. Outdoors, Indoors. Winter, Summer. I was informed by a trusted colleague that our floppy-hatted friend went rogue one Saturday with a black hat instead of his usual grey. Multiple purchases of the same hat in different colours; such was his devotion to the condom-head lifestyle. He's left now, taking his devonshire accent and angry group emails; but the memory of his permanently condom-hatted head bobbing around in front of his computer screen will live on in my heart. I don't know, what do you guys think? They've been around for so long but I just can't get used to them. The only way they could annoy me more is if this woman wore them:

"HOI, OI'm here to tell you that christmas isn't about shopping at Debenhams and eating McDonalds. It's about sharing ourselves with our loved ones, and getting people to come over to moy big stupid house and make me pies"

Look Alikes II

Right then! Let the record show that I am watching Celebrity Big Brother this year. Am I enjoying it? I don't know. I can't tell. I am compelled to watch it but whether I'm getting any enjoyment out of it is another matter that probably won't be resolved until after it's over. And it really will be over won't it? This is our last Big Brother year. It was kind of over for me when Russell Brand stopped doing Big Mouth but whatevs. RIP BB.

Things I'll miss about Big Brother.

• The Geordie voice-over saying, "Birthday cake"


• Under-quilt fumblings. Rude!


• Davina's saddle bags


• Choosing someone in the Big Mouth studio audience and allowing them to annoy me for the entire episode. Last night it was someone with a white stripe in her hair. This is a Rogue-only move as far as I'm concerned.


• Nominations


• The Geordie voice-over saying, "Nominations"


• Reading the plaquards that people bring to evictions. At last night's eviction, in among the hellomums and jadeandsamanthaareheres there was one that said simply, "Hi Chodes"


• Assault courses. Always my favourite tasks. In CBB this year they just showed a montage which was not cool. I wanna see the whole fudging thing.


• Accusations of, "HE'S PLAYING A GAME!" levelled at anyone who so much as cocks an eyebrow on camera.

My vote for Celebrity Big Brother winner goes to Basshunter. He's one half of the first CBB romance to give us all the depressing sordidness of a regular Big Brother romance. He is so tall. And nice. I don't want to hear any of his music though. I'm too old for that bullshoes.

Doesn't Dane Bowers look like David Boreanaz?

Every time Dane's out and about during the day I'm anxious in case he steps into a beam of sunlight and bursts into flames. NO ANGEL NO!

Good Things

Good things about my workplace:

Tea
It is equidistant to two Starbucks and there is a Starbucks on the ground floor. I need never be without a venti English Breakfast Tea. If the on-premises Starbucks is closed it's a mere 3.5 minute walk in either direction to another one.

The Bacon Bite
It's a 5 minute walk from a bagel shop. I'll treat myself to a breakfast bacon bagel every so often. My favourite thing about it is the first bite; cut the bagel in half and go for the middle of the cut side. If you're doing it right, this bite should be all bacon. I've made a diagram on MS Paint:

Gym
The first two were about food. Oops! I'm going in a whole other direction for this point. My workplace is next door to a gym so I'm able to invigorate myself on lunchbreak with a vigorous session on the cross-trainer. NOT. No the good thing about this is that if you look out of the window you can see into the gym and watch people working out. The gentle bobbing of people trying to be healthy is so soothing, particularly so if it's a lady gymbot wearing a jaunty ponytail; for her every bob the ponytail gives a counter bounce that almost puts me to sleep.

Sketchy Alley
People behave appallingly in the sketchy alley. They don't realise that we're watching them from two stories up. Judging them as they pee against the wall of the building. One night I leaned out of the window and screamed, "I can see you urinating!"
The offender merely glanced over his shoulder and gave a happy wave with his free hand (see below).

I'm shaking my head now, just thinking of it.

Look Alikes

Here are a few people I've noticed lately who look similar to each other. Some of them are real and some are cartoons! The more I look at that word ALIKE, the less is seems like a real word. I think it's the K. It's not a serious letter. It's the letter to use when C is harshing your mellow. Consider the word cabin. Now consider kabin. I could have fun in the kabin. I could party there. What the hell would I do in the cabin? Probably get a good night's rest and eat a sensible breakfast before heading out for a day of canoeing on very still, temperate water. Yawn.

Twilight Physician Carlisle Cullen and Tasha Yar, Star Trek Robot-Banger.

They have the same nose and the same 'do. And the same face! I checked IMDb though and they're not even related. Shrug. Looking for the picture of Twilight Vampire Dad* brought up a lot of Twilight fanart I wouldn't have seen otherwise. Thank you, Google. It was mostly just pictures of the guy with the word "Carlisle" written across his face in a spooky font.


Yubaba from Spirited Away and Craggy Hero Admiral William Adama.










Watching Spirited Away on TV yesterday I was taken aback when Edward James Olmos showed up. Hi! I said.

I just noticed these first two are Sci-Fi/Fantasy themed. Please don't judge me.

Right-Wing Gay-Fearer Nick Griffin and Spider Pig.











What can you say about these two? They look similar. The eyes have it! I wonder if Spiderpig (is it all one word? or two words?) thinks that the homosexuals come into primary schools and teach children how to be gay?

While I was looking for a picture of Nick Griffin I came across this political blog:
http://richardwillisuk.wordpress.com/

I shall e-mail him thusly:

Dear Richard,
Your blog URL reads richard willi suk. Don't know if you've noticed. It's a bit rude.
Actually the more I look at it the more it seems to say Richard: Will I suk?
I'm touched by your self-doubt. Go get 'em tiger!
Love and rofls, etc. etc.


Those are the three pairs of peas in pods that I can think of at the moment. It is a new year! So many things to get excited about. Bye.

*This is what I actually put into the search engine-I couldn't remember the guys name or the name of his character! Could you? No.