Look Alikes II

Right then! Let the record show that I am watching Celebrity Big Brother this year. Am I enjoying it? I don't know. I can't tell. I am compelled to watch it but whether I'm getting any enjoyment out of it is another matter that probably won't be resolved until after it's over. And it really will be over won't it? This is our last Big Brother year. It was kind of over for me when Russell Brand stopped doing Big Mouth but whatevs. RIP BB.

Things I'll miss about Big Brother.

• The Geordie voice-over saying, "Birthday cake"


• Under-quilt fumblings. Rude!


• Davina's saddle bags


• Choosing someone in the Big Mouth studio audience and allowing them to annoy me for the entire episode. Last night it was someone with a white stripe in her hair. This is a Rogue-only move as far as I'm concerned.


• Nominations


• The Geordie voice-over saying, "Nominations"


• Reading the plaquards that people bring to evictions. At last night's eviction, in among the hellomums and jadeandsamanthaareheres there was one that said simply, "Hi Chodes"


• Assault courses. Always my favourite tasks. In CBB this year they just showed a montage which was not cool. I wanna see the whole fudging thing.


• Accusations of, "HE'S PLAYING A GAME!" levelled at anyone who so much as cocks an eyebrow on camera.

My vote for Celebrity Big Brother winner goes to Basshunter. He's one half of the first CBB romance to give us all the depressing sordidness of a regular Big Brother romance. He is so tall. And nice. I don't want to hear any of his music though. I'm too old for that bullshoes.

Doesn't Dane Bowers look like David Boreanaz?

Every time Dane's out and about during the day I'm anxious in case he steps into a beam of sunlight and bursts into flames. NO ANGEL NO!